Thirsty

I have a fabulously twisted sense of self.

I've bent my ideals,

Lightly salted my morals,

And never settled for half baked notions.

I'm perfectly shaped for the simplest of palates,

But I can't promise that I won't leave you thirsty.

Enjoy.

The Air and Trees

A breeze hit her face this morning.
She was standing outside.
Life was stirring around her.
She, however, stood still
And connected with the air and trees.
There was something remarkable in that simple, innocent moment.
It was just important enough to infuse with her life,
Yet it wouldn't add weight to the thoughts she carried.

She had been up for some time,
But this was the exact moment her day began.

We Are the Loved Ones

We are the loved ones.
What little fur we have left is dingy,
We're lopsided,
Sometimes smelly,
Utterly homely,
And our patches have patches.

But you don't see that...
In your eyes
We're your friend,
Keeper of secrets,
Number one supporter,
And worthy of affection.

Admit it.
You love us...
If you didn't,
Then we'd look perfect...
Watching your life from afar,
And wishing we were the loved ones.

That Time

Smashed was the sculpture that symbolized togetherness.
Closed was the restaurant where we first met. Boxed were the letters that once said, "I cherish you".
Love and laughter echoed in the ruins,
Until it was silenced by dust.
The longing is not there anymore,
But my heart smiles when I remember that time.

Weighted

She waited for what was around the corner.
Good things?
Bad things?
Honestly, she had no idea this time.
She just knew something was coming,
Her heart was tethered by anxiety.
Her body felt restless and tense.
She craved human touch,
Anything to soften the grip.
This was all very real to her.
She connected to the unknown...
She waited.
She felt weighted.

Sense of it All

I closed off for a while.
Said my peace.
Waved goodbye
To the fun girl who smiles
And nods,
And pretends she won't cry.

I didn't, you know
Break down,
Hit the wall.
I merely stopped
Shut the door
And made sense of it all.

Move Along

I have this need to write, and then I finally get to sit down


And nothing!


So here goes, and hopefully what I need to express will flow from my fingertips.


Giggles is away at camp for 10 days. It's been so quiet in the house it's strange. Even having my mom in the house doesn't fill the ceilings and the walls with the laughter that kid does. My mom closes on her house today. The move from Albuquerque went smoothly and I'm glad to have her here.

I'm not going out with Manly anymore. Can't say that I shed tears, but it is strange being completely alone with no prospects. I'm taking a break from dating. In the back of my mind I'm thinking, "So how long do I have to go being happy with just being me before I put myself back out there?"

Manly was only here temporarily, and his job ended sooner than expected, plus he didn't want to move to Dallas permanently. I can't blame him, he lives in Colorado and LOVES it there. Plus he wanted to get some of the tougher assignments with the FAA (air traffic controller) before he retires (he's 49). So I said goodbye to my sexy, bald man. Oh boy, I miss how good he smelled and how fun he was.

I'm all over the place with what I'm writing, so if you're still here I'll ask, "Why?!!!"

Move along, I've got nothing deep to say.

...but at least I'm still Smiley Daze...that doesn't seem to be going away, and I like it.

Hope you are too.

Free Speech?

He welcomed hate into his home.
His guest was wrinkled,
Grotesque,
Inhuman.

He grew to love this monster
And together they perfected ugly.

They traveled the streets of my neighborhood,
Polluting the air
With their so-called "free speech".

I turned my eyes in disgust,
But my heart is warm, full, and still beating,
So my outrage became pity.

I knew there were more of them out there...
The old men with no joy in their futures
And nothing beautiful to leave behind.

Had he not been taught to love?
Or was it something that slipped away
Leaving him bitter?

No matter,
I guess.

He'd never truly know freedom
Allowing his life to be restricted by his companion of hate.

I was driving to meet Manly one night and I pulled up along side this pickup truck that looked like it had a camper on the top of it (old beat up thing). It was actually 4 sides of pure hate with a big Jesus on the front with his arms opened wide.(pictured is just one side of it). This little shriveled up man was driving around spreading his word. Unfortunately the light turned before I could get a better picture. It was so gross and freaky. The guy must have been 80++++. All I kept thinking was who would want to spend all the time they have left on this earth spewing hate? Are you really free if this all-consuming hate confines you?

The Comedian

When I'm high on depression
And bursting with rage
I've got this face of happy,
That makes love to the stage

You like it
But it's deceiving,
I fear it,
These thoughts I'm conceiving

I'll play it out for you,
This maddening dance,
You'll clap and you'll laugh
At my circumstance

I bow and step down
And become me again,
But all you'll ever really know
Is the comedian


This is an older piece that I couldn't post on my other blog. Did I tell you all how good it feels to have a place where I can just be me again, unfiltered?!

I'm not "Smiley" every day...but I sure am trying, and I'm definitely surrounding myself with people who want the same for themselves.

Smiley...In a Swimsuit!

Well, I'm glad the title got your attention!

I am not yet ready to show you my body in a swimsuit. What kind of Smiley do you think I am!? See below where I may or may not tell you that I sent a nude text to Manly. 

I hate bathing suits. Always have...even when I was skinny. I honestly think I'd rather be seen naked than in a suit! Bathing suits do awful things to my body...honestly. And when I'm naked, well..."The Girls" are spectacular, so you won't notice my middle or my thighs and my lack of muscle tone.

Giggles had her birthday party this past weekend. It was at a rec center that had an indoor pool with a lazy river and fountains, slides, etc. It was a great place, but I was not looking forward to wearing my suit. I thought for sure since her dad planned it that he and his 5'0, 95lb wife would be swimming. So silly Smiley fretted over what to do. I ended up buying a $115 Badgley Mischka swimsuit. CRAZY, I know! But the suit is gorgeous and has the most beautiful straps I've ever seen on a swimsuit. So I wore my cocoa brown suit proudly hidden under a dress.  I managed to play with the girls in the water for a little bit...which meant ALL THE OTHER PARENTS SAW ME IN MY SUIT! Did I mention that I WAS THE ONLY PARENT WHO PUT ON A SUIT? The Ex and Mrs. Ex did not even them! How do you not get in the water with your kid at a pool party?

But I undress,

I mean digress...

Manly has promised to take me somewhere that I can wear the suit again. I did actually text him photos of me in it. For some crazy reason, he thinks I look good in the suit. Then I texted him a pic of me nakey...he much preferred that one. I cut off my face in the pic and will deny ever having sent it!

Or maybe I won't need the suit.....

Apparently there is a nudist nature preserve an hour north of where I live. Manly went there on his own a few weeks ago. I was shocked (not really)! I am going to have to investigate this place with Manly sometime. I told him it felt a little awkward knowing nakey women were staring at his Manly parts, but he assured me if I saw the type of people there, I would not be so uncomfortable. I love his free spirit. I'm kind of digging the thought of going sometime...or to the hot springs in Colorado where they look at you funny if you're dressed in a swimsuit.

Manly likes being nude.

I like Manly nude.

Manly likes Smiley nude.

Nude it is.

The Catch

He found his favorite spot,
A secluded wilderness where he could be alone and fish.

He was so angry he screamed at the fish and the birds and the sun.
He screamed to the higher power that let him down.
The rage engulfed him,
He ached.
He hurt!

The pain of the past year stuck to his body,
So he shed his clothes
And jumped into the ice cold water.
He cringed.
He cried.
Not because the water was cold,
But because he finally felt something other than grief.

The mountains mimicked his cries,
Then silently waited for more.
He shivered.
He felt!

He emerged from the water,
And wiped it all off,
The pain,
The sadness.

The sun warmly smiled down upon him,
And the mountains laughed.
They must have known he finally caught his breath.

Giggles and Manly

I took "Giggles" (my new name for my little one) to take photos in the bluebonnets a couple of weekends ago. We went along with my ex's mom and made a day of it down in Ennis, Texas. Small town. Very well known for having the best bluebonnets each year. We found a nice patch to take photos. Giggles brought along her favorite stuffed dog as well as a whole bag full of friends. I'd say the photos came out pretty good considering we were there right in the middle of the afternoon (shadows on our faces!).

I am still going out with "Manly". Quite frankly, I could not give up that sex. He's pretty much on the top of the list where that's concerned. The man has skills I did not know existed, and he brings out quite the seductress in me. He was a great listener when I told him about my neediness issue, and seemed to want to give me the space to work it out. He could use a little space himself so win/win! We do enjoy other activities with each other and our conversations are great, but oh my the lovemaking is off the charts!!!! He had a great description of it from the very first time...he said it was a "beautiful connection"...That it is!

Back to the bluebonnets, even though my mind is now on THAT SEX! Here are a few of the photos:

Wait! How did that get in there?!!! :)

One of my new favorites of the two of us!

Giggles and her Pup "playing dead"...yes, it's a bit

creepy.....her idea, not mine

Lovin' up all her favorite stuffies!

I hope you all have Smiley Daze!

A Fresh Smiley Start

I decided it was time to start a new blog. I want to keep my Bloggerhood, but keep the blog under the radar to family and friends. It's time I got back to freely expressing how I feel. I stopped doing that. I've learned this much from the past few years...DO NOT SHARE YOUR BLOG WITH YOUR BOYFRIEND!

Nothing good has ever come from that, not to mention I've censored myself. So hopefully I will not have to worry about any more intrusions.

I am going to ask you not to include my new blog in your sidebars please. Honestly I love when I'm on your lists, but, like I said, need to write under the radar. No traces of this now Smiley Daze Girl.

I know, sounds all mysterious.

It's not, really.

Someone was having a hard time of letting go of me, and I think it best if he's not able to read what I'm up to. Best for both of us, really.

I've gotta run, but I promise you, there will be more!

And it'll be good!

Find your sunshine!

Smiley