The Comedian

When I'm high on depression
And bursting with rage
I've got this face of happy,
That makes love to the stage

You like it
But it's deceiving,
I fear it,
These thoughts I'm conceiving

I'll play it out for you,
This maddening dance,
You'll clap and you'll laugh
At my circumstance

I bow and step down
And become me again,
But all you'll ever really know
Is the comedian


This is an older piece that I couldn't post on my other blog. Did I tell you all how good it feels to have a place where I can just be me again, unfiltered?!

I'm not "Smiley" every day...but I sure am trying, and I'm definitely surrounding myself with people who want the same for themselves.

Smiley...In a Swimsuit!

Well, I'm glad the title got your attention!

I am not yet ready to show you my body in a swimsuit. What kind of Smiley do you think I am!? See below where I may or may not tell you that I sent a nude text to Manly. 

I hate bathing suits. Always have...even when I was skinny. I honestly think I'd rather be seen naked than in a suit! Bathing suits do awful things to my body...honestly. And when I'm naked, well..."The Girls" are spectacular, so you won't notice my middle or my thighs and my lack of muscle tone.

Giggles had her birthday party this past weekend. It was at a rec center that had an indoor pool with a lazy river and fountains, slides, etc. It was a great place, but I was not looking forward to wearing my suit. I thought for sure since her dad planned it that he and his 5'0, 95lb wife would be swimming. So silly Smiley fretted over what to do. I ended up buying a $115 Badgley Mischka swimsuit. CRAZY, I know! But the suit is gorgeous and has the most beautiful straps I've ever seen on a swimsuit. So I wore my cocoa brown suit proudly hidden under a dress.  I managed to play with the girls in the water for a little bit...which meant ALL THE OTHER PARENTS SAW ME IN MY SUIT! Did I mention that I WAS THE ONLY PARENT WHO PUT ON A SUIT? The Ex and Mrs. Ex did not even them! How do you not get in the water with your kid at a pool party?

But I undress,

I mean digress...

Manly has promised to take me somewhere that I can wear the suit again. I did actually text him photos of me in it. For some crazy reason, he thinks I look good in the suit. Then I texted him a pic of me nakey...he much preferred that one. I cut off my face in the pic and will deny ever having sent it!

Or maybe I won't need the suit.....

Apparently there is a nudist nature preserve an hour north of where I live. Manly went there on his own a few weeks ago. I was shocked (not really)! I am going to have to investigate this place with Manly sometime. I told him it felt a little awkward knowing nakey women were staring at his Manly parts, but he assured me if I saw the type of people there, I would not be so uncomfortable. I love his free spirit. I'm kind of digging the thought of going sometime...or to the hot springs in Colorado where they look at you funny if you're dressed in a swimsuit.

Manly likes being nude.

I like Manly nude.

Manly likes Smiley nude.

Nude it is.

The Catch

He found his favorite spot,
A secluded wilderness where he could be alone and fish.

He was so angry he screamed at the fish and the birds and the sun.
He screamed to the higher power that let him down.
The rage engulfed him,
He ached.
He hurt!

The pain of the past year stuck to his body,
So he shed his clothes
And jumped into the ice cold water.
He cringed.
He cried.
Not because the water was cold,
But because he finally felt something other than grief.

The mountains mimicked his cries,
Then silently waited for more.
He shivered.
He felt!

He emerged from the water,
And wiped it all off,
The pain,
The sadness.

The sun warmly smiled down upon him,
And the mountains laughed.
They must have known he finally caught his breath.

Giggles and Manly

I took "Giggles" (my new name for my little one) to take photos in the bluebonnets a couple of weekends ago. We went along with my ex's mom and made a day of it down in Ennis, Texas. Small town. Very well known for having the best bluebonnets each year. We found a nice patch to take photos. Giggles brought along her favorite stuffed dog as well as a whole bag full of friends. I'd say the photos came out pretty good considering we were there right in the middle of the afternoon (shadows on our faces!).

I am still going out with "Manly". Quite frankly, I could not give up that sex. He's pretty much on the top of the list where that's concerned. The man has skills I did not know existed, and he brings out quite the seductress in me. He was a great listener when I told him about my neediness issue, and seemed to want to give me the space to work it out. He could use a little space himself so win/win! We do enjoy other activities with each other and our conversations are great, but oh my the lovemaking is off the charts!!!! He had a great description of it from the very first time...he said it was a "beautiful connection"...That it is!

Back to the bluebonnets, even though my mind is now on THAT SEX! Here are a few of the photos:

Wait! How did that get in there?!!! :)

One of my new favorites of the two of us!

Giggles and her Pup "playing dead"...yes, it's a bit

creepy.....her idea, not mine

Lovin' up all her favorite stuffies!

I hope you all have Smiley Daze!